Yesterday, my second video went up on youtube and I am already starting to doubt the future. I got half the views in this video than I did the last week’s video despite the same amount of promoting. That is the least of my worries. I am going to have to push myself to make better content each week. My second video is better than my first, and according to my plans, the third one is a lot better than the previous two and the fourth one is even better than that. All of this means that each week, I am going to have to find a way to outdo myself. And regurgitating that on a weekly basis and balancing college is going to be absolutely exhausting.
On top of that, based on the response that I have gotten in my first two videos, it seems it will take a lot of videos before I am going anywhere. And that is not all, in these videos, I have to come in front of the camera and speak myself. before all of this, I was extremely afraid of coming in front of a camera because I hated my face and my voice, so it is taxing to keep myself reassured enough to keep doing it. I have to research it, write it and shoot it all by myself as well. I doubt it will go very far because all of my ventures haven’t really been successful. That is not where it ends either, the kind of youtube channel I aim to be, does not exist in my geographical region. I researched quite a bit for it but I couldn’t find anything like it. So that could either be a boon or a bane for me, maybe there really isn’t a market for content like mine.
All of that adds onto my anxiety towards this project. I have never been afraid of failure, I embraced it but right now when there is so much effort that will need to be put into it on a weekly basis, I am afraid that most of it could go to vain.
Despite all of this, still, I shall do it anyway. If it doesn’t succeed, then I will have walked away learnt so many things that I wouldn’t have otherwise. And even if there is a tiny chance of success, god damn it, I will try.
If you are interested in my youtube channel, you can check it out here:-
It is a channel where I make infotainment short films and hope to some day make fictional short films soon enough. I know that the first two videos are a little boring but with time, I promise to you, it will get more interesting.
Thank you for your time,
Aditya Bhartiya Mathur