Loneliness

Do you know what sucks in life? You can’t just walk up to people and say that you are lonely and expect your life to be changed for the better because of that.

It is a horrible feeling to be surrounded by people and yet not have someone to talk to. I know that feeling. It makes me wonder if I am not adequate enough, is there something wrong with me, Why am I not wanted?

Sure enough, all of us wanted to have someone to date when they were teenagers. We wanted to be loved and adored by people that didn’t do so since their birth aka their family. But all of that was a luxury I couldn’t even afford to want. What I wanted instead was someone who would listen to me or maybe even make me listen. Someone who would try and keep the conversation going. I wanted to be invited for once.

I grew up seeing my family as people who could make friends everywhere they went. My sister would have legions of friends, people would instantly like my parents and then there I was awkwardly trying to keep the conversation going. It made me feel horrible, almost as if I wasn’t normal. And I think I wasn’t and still am not, but that is what is interesting about me. But back then, it was the worst feeling on earth.

I can’t even count the amount of times I have cried myself to sleep.

I made my efforts all that I could, yet I wasn’t liked. I was targeted by the worst kind of people in class, I was deliberately left alone by everyone, I was left out of every plan that was made. I was alone with my imagination.

But notice how I have written everything in the past tense. Loneliness, like everything else in the world is temporary, unless you choose it to be permanent. If you constantly keep trying, you are going to have friends eventually. If you just keep hoping and imagining a better future, you are going to have friends eventually.

Now, I still don’t have a girlfriend, neither do I get invited to a lot of places (though that is because my friends are lone wolfs that hate the great outsides) but I still do have a group of six amazing friends.  All of them are more than I could ask for.

So, what I can say is that one of the most miserable feelings- the feeling of loneliness is something that doesn’t last forever. It gets better, maybe not today, not tomorrow but some day and on that day, you will look back to your loneliest of moments and realize how far you have come.

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